It snowed yesterday and last night. We woke up to a beautiful blanket of snow. I love snow and wish we would get more.

Today was one of the worst days of my life. It started out pretty good. I went into work early to get the officers trial docket done, it has to be done before 5pm so the officers know who is scheduled for court on the following Tuesday. I was leaving at 10 but didn't get out of there till after 11:00am. I had most of the day off to go with my mom to the Southern Women's show but I had to get my work done before I left. I was really having a hard time getting out of there like something was standing in my way from leaving. By the time I left work and got home the weather was already starting to turn bad. Mom and I had talked about not going and making plans on going on Saturday instead because we were afraid we would get stuck downtown and not be able to get home. So, Shelby and I went to the grocery store where he decided to start acting a fool. When we got to the check out line I realized that I had no checks with me so I had to run to the house to get a check. I got him in the car and pretty well let him have it. I told him I was so very tired of his behavior, getting into trouble at school and at home. I told him until he changed his behavior he would not be going anywhere with me or anywhere else for that matter. We drove home and the whole way it was an argument. We got home and I ran in to get my checks and he sat on the couch. I told him he had to change his ways, now I was yelling at this point I had, had enough by now. You have to know how he works and for the last 3 or 4 years he has been like this. It's absolutely madding. Anyway, I left to go back to the grocery store. On the way back, I called Cody to open the garage and he told me he didn't know where Shelby was. I told him to run around the house and look everywhere, in closets, under beds, the attic space, and in the backyard. He was no where. He had decided to run away. Now its snowing hard and ice is coming down as well. The temp is dropping and I'm getting more and more worried. I asked several people to help me look for him and Gary came home to help too. Finally after about an hour of him missing I called the police department where I work to get someone here to take a report that would enter him into NCIC so they can help find him or any other agency that found him. By this point I'm scared and crying. The officer got here and was talking to me when my cell phone rang, it was Shelby calling me. I asked him where he was and he said "somewhere" I was like where the hell are you again I get "somewhere" . The officer got on the phone with him and he found out where he was and let me go and get him. I swear I didn't know whether to beat him or to love him. He scared the hell out of me. He had made it about 3 miles down the road when he decided that he was really, really cold and getting hungry. so he called. I don't know what to do with him right now. We got him into a therapist so he would have someone to help him work out his anger I sure hope it helps him. I don't know right now what our next move will be if this doesnt work but I guess we will figure it out if it happens.

Life for me is so damn complicated. I'm having trouble keeping things straight at the moment and its driving me nuts. For instance, my major concern is my son and the crap he is pulling. Almost every day he is getting into trouble, every day. He will not do his work in class, he will not do his homework at home and forget about him doing any chores around the house. He is going to fail this year because he will not do anything to help himself. He will not behave in school at all. I think the write ups, paddleings, ALC's or talking to has done nothing. We have taken everything he owns away and it doesn't matter to him or seems not to. I have talked to a councelor and have an appointment with her in the am. Hopefully he will talk to her and maybe we can come up with something that will work with him. I also put him in the Police Explorer group here. Thats the group that I put Cody in and it worked with him, changed his life around. Anyway, I'm not going to loose my child so whatever it takes to get him back in shape is what I am going to do.
2nd - Work - everything is changing. Some for the better some for the worse and lots that we don't know about it. Its enough to make a person pull their hair out. I love what I do but this is really causing some major stress in my life, more stress than any of us that work together deserve. If something else came along that paid well I swear I will mroe than likely leave and change. I hate to do that but I can not keep coming home and screaming at the kids because I'm so stressed out about this job.
3rd - Home - I don't want to discuss this but it's not the worst of the stress its problaby the least of it. But it still adds to the stress level.
All of these as a whole are causing life to be more complicated. I keep praying and hoping things will calm down a bit and just be relaxing for a bit.

Well I did it, I decided to dye my hair back dark. It's really close to my natural color and I think I like it.

I think it makes me look a bit younger. You know every little bit helps. Now if I could only get this weight off me I might even look like myself.