My old friend and I had a long conversation tonight about nothing. We mainly get on the phone and start talking about all the crap we used to get into and all the fun we had. Then we get to giggling and acting stupid. She lives up North now and her accent has changed a bit. She made some comment about being on the phone and the word phoone sounded so funny I just started rolling, it was so funny. She was laughing and trying to tell me to shut up and the more she talked the more I laughed at her. Then she went there...the trip to Florida and me holding this tiny fish grinning from ear to ear like I had caught at big huge fish. I have these horrible '80's style gym shorts and my favorite Van Halen t-shirt with I think Nike's on. You know those Nikes that they made back in the good ole 80's. Oh and don't forget the horrible sunburn I had. Let me just tell you how dumb ass I was. We had been laying out for days let me rephrase that, a couple of months so we both had a pretty good tans before we ever got to Florida. So one of the days we went to the beach, her father dropped us off and left us there till I don't remember when. Well at some point we are sitting on the beach and some guys came by and asked us if we would watch their cooler. This cooler was full of beer and they told us to drink what we wanted of it. Boy did we. Matter of fact they never came back for it or we never saw them come back for it. Anyway, I got smart and decided to lay out on the Fort Walton, FL white sand beach using a reflecting blanket. All those places that didn't tan well burned like raw meat in a skillet. One of my eyes were burned shut, my ears had blisters on the top of them and the line on each side of my legs and sides burnt. Really smart! Anyway, she got to teasing me about this picture and all I can do is laugh. Gosh we did some really crazy stuff.
Ok gotta go my hands are killing me and I have to take something for the pain.

I woke up this morning expecting to not do much of nothing other than the last of the laundry, which I didn't even touch. Tori and I went to the mall to do some window shopping but really didn't stay very long. I really enjoy spending time with her when she is not being a smart ass teenager. She can be a lot of fun. When she is being fun and not being the butthead she can be sometimes, she reminds me how fun life can be. She is so full of life and her smile is very contagious. I enjoy hearing about her life, school and friends. Sometimes her stories are so dang funny I have to laugh at her for being such a goof. I wish the boys wanted to hang around me like she does. Oh they want me when they want something or to complain at me. Cody is getting older so I understand it somewhat but I want to hear about his life and he just doesn't like to talk to me like he does Gary, but Gary understands him better than I do. I'm very glad that he has Gary to talk to but sometimes I want that relationship with my son. Shelby is busy right now being a 12 year old. A 12 year old that is about to drive me crazy. I don't know what is wrong with this kid. He stays in trouble at school, he will not do his work and is extremely disrespectful to his teachers. I have put him in the Explorer program and I'm hoping that it will do him some good. We have taken everything away from him and he is pretty well grounded forever at this point and nothing is working. He is failing all his classes and refuses to do anything to improve himself at all. I don't know what to do with him right now. I'm praying that it is the age but I believe that if we let it go and let up on him that the behavior will continue. I have to get him figured out and quick. I love him but right now he's about to drive me crazy.

Tomorrow I have a meeting at work. I'm not looking forward to this meeting and would really like to skip it but its mandatory and I'm afraid that it is going to turn into a yelling match and some how I will be the bad guy again. What I hope is that I get a call in a couple of days from one of these places I applied for an interview and maybe a new job in my future. I have to do something to be happy again and right now I'm not happy but have to keep on till something better comes along.

Today

Today, I had the privilege of spending some time with an old friend’s grandmother. My old friend called me today and said that her grandmother had moved close to where our family lives and she had no way to get around. She asked if I would mind taking her to the store and to get her medications because she was out and her own daughter wouldn’t be bothered to come a mile down the road and help her mother out. Of course I told my friend that I would be very glad to be able to go and help her grandmother. I have known this family since I was in high school some 25 years ago; no way would I have turned her down. After depositing Tori at the home where she was babysitting I took off down the road to pick up her grandmother. She had moved pretty close to me and I hadn’t ever known that she had moved here. We hugged and talked for a few minutes and I soon realized that she is suffering from dementia, but still showed that most of her mind is still intact. I couldn’t believe that she was in her late 80’s; gosh it only seems like yesterday when we were at her home. Her and her husband had such a beautiful piece of land back in the day but apparently lost it when the big house builders decided it was prime real estate and wanted it to build the big houses in that area. I don’t know if she could have continued to take care of the place anyway since she was getting on up there and her kids had grown and gone their separate ways. Anyway, we went on and went to the store and then on to get her medications. We really had some good conversations and I wished that I could stay longer with her to talk but I had other obligations and was unable this time. I will find the time to go and just sit with her sometime really soon and I left my number so that she can contact me if she needs me.

I was reading an article today in a magazine that had to do with loving the bodies we have. Gosh, I look in the mirror and see this overweight, getting older, mistreated, abused body and wonder how the hell I'm I suppose to love this? How should I not, is what I really should be thinking. I'm mean, it is the only one I will ever have. It's not like any of us can get up one morning and run down to the local new body dealership and say, "I really hate this body, what kind of trade in do you think I can get on a new one?" Good grief, I wouldn't get one plug nickel for the model I have now.

The author of the article I was reading said if you think about someone that dies, don't you think they would think about what type of body they would have if they were to have the chance to come back to just hug someone they loved or even have just a few more days as a walking, breathing body. You know I have never thought of it like that. Matter of fact I have never thought that this IS the only body that I will ever have and only have one chance to live in it. So that brings me to the question, why would I ever abuse this body with overeating and lack of exercise? Why do I not like myself enough to take care of the one thing I have that is never going to leave me? Man, I didn't think of that either. This body will never leave, its stuck to me and my personality till the day I die, its never going away. Oh sure I could loose parts of it if I were to change my bad eating ways and start just walking every day.

This body, is the one true thing that is just mine. I can share it if I want but its really it is the one thing on this planet that I can truly say is mine. I don't owe anything for it, hell, I didn't even have to pay for it, it was given to me as a gift. I sure didn't take care of this gift very well. Hmm....that's a lot to think about this early in the morning. I think sometimes we need to just slow down and be thankful for the bodies we have been given.

Look at all the things our bodies do for us, I mean they do let us down sometimes, but look but they have pulled us thru and the wondrous miracles they have performed. I know at some point in my life that my hands will fail me. I have rheumatoid arthritis and I do not see a doctor for it right now plus I have carpel tunnel. Right now as I'm typing my finger tips on my left hand are pretty much numb. I know I can have surgery for it but right now I don't have the money for the deduct able or the time built up at work to take off for the procedure. So it will have to wait for another year I guess. Other than the things that will fail, look at the things that your body does everyday that we all take for granted. My thighs for instance, even after all this abuse, can still pick me up out of a chair and carry me around where I need to go. My arms, still can lift or reach to hug a child.

I'm coming to a point in my life that I want to slow down and take notice of the things around me and stop trying to hurry thru this one life that I have. I want to stop and see, feel and taste the things around me. Another point the author said was how many times in life are we rushing around so much that we don't even stop to taste the food that we are consuming. I mean really taste it. We don't. That's something that I really want to try to change. I want to slow down and enjoy this life AND this body that God gave me. And if I really try maybe I will learn to love this body and myself a little more each day. Loosing the weight is not going to make me love myself or even like this body any more than I do right now. I have to figure out who I am and why I have treated myself so badly.

My daughter got her belly button pierced today. I never thought I would say yes to it but hey what the hell. She is young and she should act young for awhile before the responibilities of adult hood take over her life.

Cody got his Letterman!!! Finally after all these years. I'm one proud Mama!!!

I am working on a new sweater. It's called the Tomato and I'm loving it. So far it has been a very easy sweater to work on and hope it continues to be that way. I think it will be. This is what I have done so far. I'm about 50 rounds off from being finished with the body of the sweater then it will be on to the sleeves and the neck. I can not wait to wear this, it will be the first item that I made for myself to wear.

I got to farting around the other day and came across some very old pictures of me. Well I say old but really that would suggest that I'm old and I'm not (not in my mind anyway). I was 16 in two of them and 17 in the graduation picture. I sure wish I had that body again.
I wish I could smile like that again. I had bell palsy when I was pregnant with my youngest son and I can't smle right.

The baby cable socks that I finished last week. These suckers took me forever to finish. I don't know why, but they seemed to take me longer than any other sock I have ever made. Not that I have made that many socks in my knitting life time but good grief. I gave them to my mom to keep her feet warm, her house is cold even with the heater on.